Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
