After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize