Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
