Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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