Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
