and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize