Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
