we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
