Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
