Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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