I think I just saw someone hide a body.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
