u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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