I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
