just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
