New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
