last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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