Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Holy shit dude........stairs
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
