Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
