I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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