he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize