Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Barsexuality is the new black.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
