Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
