If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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