He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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