you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
