Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
