the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
