Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
