can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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