he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
