I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
