I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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