We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
