I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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