you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
