A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
