You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
