remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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