You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
