break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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