Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My liver just broke up with me...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
