I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
