I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
