I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize