So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
