This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
