I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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