Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
