I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
