Have you finally orgasmed yet?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
