it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My vagina just clenched in fear
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
