If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
