I want to walk on stilts...naked
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
