you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
