he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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