The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize