You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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