she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize