I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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