Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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