any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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