I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
