am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
