I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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