Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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