found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
