So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
